I've been training to be an EMT-B for the past fourteen weeks. I never in my life dreamed that medicine would be something I felt so passionately about. It all seems a little surreal; how could I have stumbled upon something so wonderful, for me at least, by accident? It's times like this when I have to question if I'm just pushing my rock up the hill to have it crush me or if I've found the meaning to laboring so pointlessly.

A few weeks back, I went on a ride along with some wonderful EMT-P's in Santa Rosa and it was truly a humbling experience. I had never seen anyone die before. It's easy to sit back and read textbooks and be objective, to see the answers and treatment plans, but when you're really there--when someone looks at you and asks, "Am I going to die?"--it all goes away. I've never had anyone ask me that before. How can I even attempt to answer that question? I'm too busy freaking out to remember how my mouth works. And these wonderful paramedics just tell him, "It doesn't look so good, but I'm going to do everything for you I can. You keep fighting too, okay?"

I'd never seen anyone get shocked before. I'd never seen someone flop around limp and pale before; least of all, I never imagined ever being able to do any of these things on my own.

Well, a few days ago I went on my final hospital rotation. On my own. And my last call of the day was thirty year old male, cardiac arrest--assist with pushing drugs, setting crash cart, ect. I don't know if I'll ever be able to describe the terror of seeing someone lying there depending on you, the doctor, the nurses, and the paramedics is like. Myself being the least qualified of all these people, I really didn't know how useful I could be.

But when I hung the IV bags and flooded them and got the right drugs and I saw the guy start breathing on his own...I don't even know if there's a right word for that feeling. I can't ever take for granted how quickly life can end now. I have so much respect for the people who are better trained than me, who deal with these kind of scenarios daily. Most importantly, I have new found trust in my abilities. I know now that I can do this and I'm ready to get out there and fight for people.

I firmly believe though that two people were saved last night. I know, it's cheesy and I don't think I crazy amazing for being able to do this stuff, not by a long shot, but I feel like I've finally figured out what I'm meant to do with my life. It seems only fitting that my first call, which nearly scared me out of the profession, would be the same as my last before I became a 'real' EMT-B, like this was my real trial. I really can't wait to get out there and start making a difference.

I was all hyperbolicly delirious about seeing Twilight the movie. I read the book when it first came out, before all the little twelve year olds in their sparkley, douchey little vampire kid "Team Edward" shirts even knew it existed. At 1:15pm on Nov. 21st, I sat eager like a beaver to see some of my favorite imaginary vampires come to life, namely Jasper Hale.

*SPOLIERS*
As if Breaking Dawn was self-indulgent enough. The screenwriter had to go a mess up the the central part of the story. Yes, Bella and Edward still love each other in that weird, "you look like a tasty snack" kind of way. Anyways, my favorite part of the story was when Edward took Bella to his meadow and "dazzled" her by showing her his skin in the sunlight. Well, in the movie he leads her to the mountains and tell her to stay away from him and shows her his skin to try and scare her away from him. LAME. The other changes were minimal and could have easily been resolved with a better writer. I really have to question why Stephanie Meyer would let her work be put into the hands of someone else. I'm also disappointed they didn't mention that Bella gets sick when ever she sees blood, yet she desperately wants to become of vampire to be with Edward.

What I will say is that the movie was very well cast. Though the Edward in my head is much more splendid than the on-screen Edward, he did do a good job with the Edward brood. I did find Kristin Stewart to be a little annoying some times, but other than that, it was good. The setting was also very beautiful.

Was the movie terrible? Naw. Was it as good as the book? Naw, but it never works out that way. Would it tempt non-reader into picking up the book? Probably not. Was it better than I thought it would be? By leaps and bounds; yes, it has it's campy, goofy moments, but so does the book. If you loved the book, you'll like the movie. You might be a little miffed about some of the changes, but you'll be happy to see that it isn't as cheese-tastic as the commercials made it look.